The next couple blogs will be our testimony from my wife’s perspective. When people come together they bring baggage and skeletons that are not always shared with the other. Our past experiences shape us for better or worse and effect those closest to us. What we are sharing in this post is her testimony up to when we married. The thoughts and feelings are from that time as she remembers them. Some of the thoughts will get the “evangelicals” panties in a wad because to often they can’t look at a testimony as that, a testimony. Testimonies often come with a lot of bad that was not representative of the Christian faith. Keep in mind, if Jesus can redeem you, He can redeem anybody.
The picture above was taken sometime before I was stationed in Japan. I just can’t remember if it was taken at her apartment or the barracks. Judging by the background I think it was the barracks.
When I was just a baby my parents got divorced. My Great Aunt took me into raise. I am thankful that she did. This was a tremendous help to my Mother. It was the night before Kindergarten. She asked if I wanted to live with her. It seemed like a silly question to me. I told her, “Yes, I want to stay here this is my home”.
Life went on relatively normal. As normal as it could be having a retired person raising you. It changes the way you view everything, especially the elderly.
She was never married. Growing up in that environment was easy.
When I hit the teen years, it seem the world had changed. The onset of a Father that was not present in my life as a girl had long-lasting ramifications. I had missed that appropriate male approval in my life. In High school I dated a guy older than me. It seemed great at first. What I was not realizing was the fact that my devotion to him would be the thing that crippled me. Our relationship threw a curve ball. Sex had to come with the package. I was scared for many reasons. He would tell me, “If you love me you will do this” and “I want you to marry me”. Those words were like dread and bliss wrapped into one. When it happened it was not my choice. Something changed in me. I actually stayed with him. So scared to lose what I thought was love because I had never had it. Months later I realized I was pregnant. A close family member drove me to a clinic. At 15 I had no idea or choice in the matter. The abortion was done. I was used and dirty. Forbidden to see him again. The feelings of being alone and abandoned had reared its head again in my life.
These events altered how I viewed relationships. Later in High school I would reunite with this boyfriend. I now know that my draw to him was a soul tie. History repeated itself when I was 18. My frame of reference was to go back to what I knew. The clinic makes it sound easy, erasable, not murder. About 6 months after that we broke up for good.
Life went on. I still had this drive to prove myself worthy in a mans world. All the while still looking for love. Years pasted. My roommate invited me out for the night. I walked into this bar and saw my future husband. All the music and sparkly lights were going off inmy head. Thank goodness he did not see or hear any of that!
He was in the Marines. The manliest of men. A protector, just the kind I needed. He had no idea of my past. We dated through short deployments and a year in Japan. We were married the end of the year he came back from Japan. This man was mine to protect and love me.
The things that have happened from early childhood through teenage years till marriage did have a huge impact. Both of my parents had multiple divorces. This would challenge me. I had a Great Aunt that never married. She had no advice on such a thing. On the other hand I didn’t know exactly what a healthy marriage looked like. As far as home life, children, keeping a house not just seeing folks happy church face.
I was spoiled. Whatever I wanted I got. But that came at a high price. There was no discipline. She loved me as a daughter, but treated me as a granddaughter. In some way she may have thought to discipline me after all I had been through would have been harsh. This proved to be problematic in our marriage quite early on.
Tomorrow will be part 2.