Kids, you may not want to read this. You guys comment on there being too much information and too much public displays of affection….in our own home! Given the topic and where I’m going with this I really think you will wish you hadn’t read it.
In our society we have allowed the media and the entertainment industry tell us what a woman should look like. They portray anything from a size 0 to a 6 with long legs, perfect hair and breasts and with just the right amount of makeup as the picture of beauty. It’s so rare to see a lady with a mom bod as an anchor, on the cover of a men’s magazine or starring in a major motion picture that I can’t think of one.
When it comes to sex the same industries portray sex in marriage as boring and nonexistent unless a spouse is having an affair. The picture portrayed is of fit couples having active & fulfilling sex lives in one night stands or in a relationship outside of marriage.
What the world (for a lack of a better term) or the enemy has done is take what Yahweh (God) designed and perverted it, just like with music and worship. This perversion has created insecurities in many women. This insecurity has invaded the marriage relationship and hampered sexual intimacy. The insecurity comes in how you look, how you think he thinks you look and are you enough after watching that movie. What has not helped is churches that only refer to sex as bad until marriage then become completely silent on it. They neglect to talk about the importance to both spouses or the role Yahweh created for sex, intimacy and seducing one another.
One of the biggest hangups is your bodies. Ladies, you have nothing to be ashamed of! What is portrayed as ideal is fake, airbrushed, surgically enhanced with long-term medical issues. There is no shame in your mom bod or some of the wrinkles and stretch marks that come with time. I can also tell you that the vast majority of you, your husbands don’t mind at all. The few of you who married insecure, selfish boys who are hung up on it…I’m sorry. None of us look like we did 20, 30, 40 years ago and if you doubt your husband finds you desirable, ask him. Embrace the body God gave for it is good.
My wife and I met over 20 years ago while she was training horses and I was a Marine. November 1st we will have been married 21 years. We are both built a little different from what we were then and I have no problem with her body. I didn’t when she was smaller than a 6 or larger than a 18. The story it tells of our life is as much a part of the attraction as the appearance. What I see, and most of your husbands (ask them), is a woman who has walked with me through ups and downs of life. Through fears, sadness, triumphs, good and bad.
What about the stretch marks? What about them? They are from carrying two children, our children. They are from the ups and downs of illnesses and medication. They are from periods of depression where food seemed the only cure. They are from weight loss from a determined, disciplined spirit. There are a few curves that weren’t there a few years ago, no problem – they tell the same story. To be honest I also have a little weight where it didn’t use to be. The thing is it all adds to the overall beauty and attractiveness of a woman.
Ladies you can stop always trying to keep yourself covered or hidden in the dark from your husband. I promise he will approve of seeing more of you. Don’t be ashamed to show him a little more skin or to dress provocative or sexy for him. He probably hasn’t seen that side of you in a very long time and will very much welcome it. Men were created very image, sight, oriented. The site of you will provoke memories of sights, smells, taste and feeling from physical touch. Never underestimate the power of that.
As I said before, Yahweh designed us to have a healthy and satisfying sex life with our spouse. It is good to flirt with your husband and even tease him during the day with a promise of what’s to come when the kids go to bed early (On that topic, your kids will not die of neglect if you put them to bed at 9. I bet all of your kids have some form of entertainment in their rooms. You need to make that time for you and your spouse before it’s 11 and you guys can barely stay awake.)
If you doubt that it’s really good and not a bit dirty read the Song Of Solomon. It’s in the Old Testament right after Ecclesiastes. It’s a short book that is full of all sorts of imagery such as:
” Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is better than wine ”
” The king has brought me into his bedchambers (his bedroom) ”
” A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, that lies all night between my breasts ”
” Behold, you are fair my love ”
” I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste ”
” His left hand is under my head, his right hand embraces me ”
” For your voice is sweet and your face is lovely ”
These are just excerpts from chapter 1. Consider the following:
” The curve of your thighs are like jewels ”
” Your two breasts are like fawns ”
” The stature of yours is like a palm tree, and your breasts like it’s clusters. I said I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of its branches. Let now your breasts be like clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples and the roof of your mouth like the best wine ”
These are just a few excerpts from chapter 7. There is still one more chapter in the book. What is very obvious is they not only take great pleasure in each other, but also in telling each other. The more you tell your spouse the more anticipation you will build. This is a great example of how we are to be with our spouse.
There are other verses that highlight Yahweh’s desire for us in this regard. In Genesis 2:25 it says they were naked and not ashamed. Proverbs 18:22 says he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 5:18-19 says let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times and always be entrapped with her love. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 says “…let husbands render to the wife the affection due her and like wise the wife to the husband …. the wife does not have authority over her body, the husband does and the husband does not have authority over his body, the wife does …. do not deprive one another …. come together again so that Satan does not tempt you. ”
The picture is clear ladies, you are a blessing. Not something to be embarrassed and hidden in shame. We were designed to enjoy each other, not neglect even unintentionally. You were created in His image (Genesis 9:6). He is the King of kings making you royalty, a member of His royal priesthood (Hebrews 7) through adoption (Galatians 4:5-7). So don’t be ashamed, be bold and seduce him like you used to. I promise it will get his attention, it will wake something inside of him and revolutionize your relationship.
There is a burden on him that I will address soon in a later blog. Keep in mind we live in a time when everything is telling the man he is not needed, stupid, bad for society, be seen but not heard, sit down and shut up and when you are wanted we will tell you. For their entire lives they have been told to stop and behave anytime a hint of masculinity rears its head. Their apparent lack of interest or initiation is not from a lack of interest. It comes from a lack of interest in being smacked down one more time. One more time of being rebuked, rebuffed, scolded and denied. They have retreated inwards and you need to draw them out and give them permission to pursue you.
As for me, after more than 21 years with her – I am more than happy to take a hold of the branches of that palm tree and enjoy the clusters. I am more than happy to get my hands on those jewels every chance I get and she knows it. She knows I still desire her only. It is good and the age of the tree matters not and does not deter me. It’s the history, familiarity and shared life with her that makes it so much more and unable to lose interest. I bet your husbands feel the same – try him.